Calling

So, this week was a little weird for me, like I was existing in parallel worlds: the world in which I was at peace and contented and thrilled to be living every day here, and the world in which I was discouraged that I'm still working an admin job and have no idea what God wants me to do with my life.

Then God worked it out so all these people spoke into my life throughout the week--directly and indirectly--and left me both encouraged and challenged.

Encouraged that God is good and God is sovereign. Encouraged that God's strength is perfected in weakness. Encouraged to embrace this unique time I have to be still and listen and pray and be, without a lot of distractions. And encouraged that God is at work in ways we cannot see.

But I was also challenged (again) to deal with the pride that makes me bristle at having an "unimportant" job, which I don't find difficult, and with which I'm not materially successful (read: making money) or humanitarian-ly successful (read: saving the world).

And challenged to embrace that it's good that God is stripping away my "identity"--those things I use and have used to define myself--and humbling me, so that He will be my identity. Not my studies, or my job, or my world-saving, or my success, or my inflated sense of personal destiny. Him.

So often lately I've been asking God what He is calling me to do, what He wants from me, what the heck He is doing with me. I mean, sure, this random adventure over to Baltimore is great for now, but what am I actually being called to do?

Then someone pointed out that God is much less concerned with what He's calling us to do as He is with what He's calling us to be.

And I'm slowly realizing that the answer--my calling--is as true and present in this very moment, working an admin job in Baltimore, as it would be if God were to speak audibly from the clouds to send me to grad school or a "career path" or the refugee camps of Nepal. Because my call is to follow Christ.

That's the whole deal. Jesus.

Yes, I'm still antsy to go out and do something, anything, "spectacular" with my life. So I'm glad that God is such a patient teacher, and that I can cast myself on grace.

But it's good to know--however imperfectly I've learned it so far--that I do in fact have a calling. Even now.